Learning to Heal, Learning to Receive

I've always thought about it, but yesterday it hit me so hard. So, let me write about it.

Today, I want to talk about two things.

1) Yesterday, it was around 11 p.m. I went to bed to sleep. Suddenly, a very painful memory flashed through my mind. A year back, I was scolded for something I didn't really do, and a personal remark was made about my expression. That particular incident affected me a lot because I've proudly carried that expression since I was a child, and I'll continue to carry it forever. Later, instead of running away from those memories, I decided to face them whenever they appeared. Because the more I ran away from them, the more they affected me. So I sat with them. I tried to understand the pain they had caused me. I tried to convince myself. More importantly, I assured my inner self that it wasn't my fault. I gave myself the time to heal. A few days later, I found myself in a similar situation. But this time, I proved myself through my performance. That healed me, or at least, I believed it had.

Until yesterday...

Those scenes came back again, disturbing my sleep. But what I realised from this is how easily our mind recollects the bad events more than the good ones that actually healed those wounds. How negativity spreads faster than positivity, even within our own mind.

Though these deep feelings aren't always in our control, I still believe our mindset plays a role. The most important thing we can do is try to think positively as much as possible. I know it's difficult, especially when you're going through something painful. Looking for positivity during those moments is never easy. But at least, we can stop blaming ourselves for things that were never in our control and were never caused by us. Most importantly, we can choose to believe ourselves instead of constantly doubting ourselves.

Introspection and self-rectification are important when the criticism is valid. But not when it's baseless and purely personal.

2) The second thing I want to talk about is how we are never really taught how to receive compliments. When it's criticism, without even stopping to think whether it's fair or not, we immediately take it to heart, becoming harsh on ourselves and sometimes even on others.

How impulsive we are in receiving hate.

But the same us struggle to receive compliments, especially when they come from our loved ones or from people who genuinely value our efforts. I've always been a good receiver when it came to compliments. But after a certain point, in adulthood, receiving them became a bit difficult. I think many of us can relate to this.

In that moment...

We feel overwhelmed.

We blush.

We smile.

And we say "Thank you" in a very low voice.

A small example from today would be this. My friends and I were talking about writing, and one of them shared what she likes about my writing. I was genuinely happy, but at the same time, I tried to divert the topic because those words were overwhelming to receive.

The very next minute, I realised something. So many of us yearn for acknowledgement. We want our work and our efforts to be noticed and appreciated. 

But when we actually receive that appreciation, instead of fully enjoying it and living in that moment, most of us somehow distance ourselves from it. I'm glad I noticed this.Maybe I can now try to become a better receiver. And also to  remind that compliments should help us become better, but never get to our heads in a way that limits our growth.