A lecture on resolving conflict with EI

 Today, as part of our Soft Skills Programme, we had an orientation programme where we had a lecture by Prof. Johannes Samuel, Assistant Professor of Social Work, on the topic "Resolving Conflict with Emotional Intelligence."

First of all, it was an interesting session. Throughout the session, he kept us engaged through his concepts, brilliant explanations, and, of course, his unique examples.

First, to gain our attention, he wanted us to say "Yes" whenever he said the Gen Z word "Delulu." The very word itself caught people's attention. So whenever he said "Delulu," that too in a particular tone, he wanted us to say "Yes" again in the same tone he uttered it.

He began his lecture by introducing terms like IQ (Intelligence Quotient) and EQ (Emotional Quotient), which represent two distinct categories of human intelligence that dictate how we think, feel, and interact with the world. (Internet)

He had a small interactive questionnaire session, asking us to raise our hands if we had been in certain situations. For example, whether we had ever been misunderstood, ever had regret after a conflict, and so on.

Of course, you readers can imagine how many hands would've gone up, as these scenarios are very common in our lives and most of us would've come across such moments.

Next, he stressed upon conflict and how it occurs. In his words, "conflict is a difference in needs, goals, values, expectations, and perceptions".

"Poor handling creates problems,

not the very conflict itself".

Omg, he said an ultimate truth which many of us rarely realise, I would say.

Few people have the habit of breaking things or losing control over their language. But this isn't how we should handle a problem. Though we may have strong points, the way we present them matters. If that isn't appropriate, no one would care to listen, even though our points may be meaningful. So, handling an issue with precision and carefulness, without losing control, is very important.

You can read my blog on The Weight of Words, where I've talked about how anger is often glorified. But at the end of the day, you'll be remembered for the negative emotions you expressed during that heated moment, not for the sensible points you made. So, words should be carefully chosen. That's why some people prefer to remain silent. But again, even those people, after some time, should make the person who caused the pain realise that he or she has hurt them, and that is why they remained silent. Only when this communication happens does the boiling turmoil settle and begin to heal.

To continue, he shared tips on how to resolve conflicts, like:

Open communication,

Active listening,

EQ,

Impartiality,

and, most importantly,

Patience.

The main motto is SELF-AWARENESS. The three key words were: To understand,manage,and respond to one's own emotions as well as others'.

This is very important.

And what is easier among these two? To understand ourselves or to understand others As he said, which I too agree with, understanding ourselves is easier as we know who we are and how we react and respond. So regulating and managing ourselves is possible because it's in our hands.

At the same time, understanding others is equally important. Though at times it requires lots of effort and can sometimes be tiring, never ever should we believe that we are always right.

As he said, in any conflict, our mistake will always be there too. Never ever should we blame others alone. As empathy is very important, in situations where we feel they are the only ones at fault, we should try putting ourselves in their shoes, which will make us realise many untold things. 

The Emotional Escalation Ladder illustration was interesting. He explained how a small incident can become a big argument and how a triggering word can lead to a broken relationship.That's very true. In sir's words, winning a relationship is more important than winning an argument. Basically, ego shouldn't be there.

We were also educated on Betari's Box Model. It describes how one's attitude and behaviour affect the other person, and how it kind of becomes a vicious cycle that never ends.

One more statement I liked, and one that I've already written in my blogs as well, is:

"Don't react, but respond."

With this valuable takeaway, I think I shall conclude this blog. Thank you. I Hope you all too find this informative.