My Mother Ate First

Yesterday around 9.30 pm, my mother went into the kitchen. I was quite hungry, so I thought I would be given food first. Then she started making dosa — but not for us, for herself.  She prepared 2 dosas and started eating. Which is very human. Very ordinary.

That minute, I was shocked. Because somewhere, unconsciously, I had expected her to feed us before herself. Not because she did something wrong — she was hungry, so she ate. But that moment revealed how deeply patriarchal influence and social conditioning step in, right? We are made to believe that women should be selfless. Especially mothers  always put on sacrificial pedestals, expected to feed everyone else before themselves.

And, when she lives for herself  , it becomes difficult to accept, though the action which is very human, ordinary, normal for us, especially for men.

Being a girl, I know how the patriarchal system works. I've always voiced out against it. At times when my mom follows the pattern, I've advised her to think about herself, to live for herself.

If I had been in her place, I would've done the same. And if someone called me selfish for eating, I would've shouted to hell. But when it's mothers, we kind of blur the lines, right?

Yet, being such a girl who has voiced out, at times I do notice traces of internalised patriarchy within myself, those quiet expectations we absorb without realising.  I'm glad those moments are very rare, and that I'm able to reflect and introspect when such moments occur. I know many of us would've been in that situation and reflected. That's the change we need, right?

Men supporting women is needed. But more than that, women supporting and understanding each other matters so much I believe.

And I'm very glad that my mom did that.

 To choose herself. 

 To value her hunger 

 And feed it.

Though it's very normal, our society has made it seem like a big achievement. Though it's sad, let's appreciate these changes.