Empathy?

 "Even empathy needs beauty standards."

I came across this line in an Instagram reel video. For a second, I thought about it, and it really felt like a sharp pin was being inserted into my heart. Thinking about it made me realize it's not just a reel, but a truth. I'm happy that it hasn't become a universalized truth yet. But we can't ignore the fragments of truth in it as well.

With this quote, they added a video of a very famous actress who cried in an interview, sharing about her poor health condition and how she wasn't even able to eat a normal meal a day. As we know, it went very viral. Of course, we were empathetic towards her, and even now we are. In that way, we are empathetic towards her not only because she is an actress, but also because she is a human being.

But when the same issue is shared by the same sex, the only difference being she is a common person, someone who doesn’t fit the narrow beauty standards our society often upholds. And not famous among everyone, but someone who participated in a famous reality justice talk show — the reaction changes.

In a reality show, she participates in order to share the pain she is experiencing in her married life with the host of the show. I still don't really know why they go to reality shows. The corporate media sees that as marketing and numbers of views, but doesn't really identify the core problem and solve it. I do admit that a few channels do help them with smaller basic needs. But the root problem is never identified and cut down.

Coming to the particular episode, the woman cries uncontrollably, saying that even when she was sick, her husband didn't care for her. Since he doesn't like her, he didn't want to help her. He may have his reasons to say why he doesn't like her, but he failed as a human being.

For the past week, she hasn't eaten well. With a heavy heart and shame, she asked him to buy idly for her. He neglected it because he doesn't like her. Though later, he justified it by saying he was drunk and that's why he said that. So she herself went to the neighbor's house, got batter from them, and made dosa.

What was even more hurting was when she said, “Ma’am, you could even ask him. I also made dosa for him as well from that small amount I had.”

Providing this context, this particular 10–15 second clip became viral on Instagram. And it was used for funny purposes, adding titles like “my friend when he fights with me,” “husband and wife cute fight,” “when I'm hungry this is how I behave.”

I'm not being a hypocrite here. Even when I saw the first video using this template and one of the funny captions, I did laugh. And the next moment, my conscience stepped out and made me question — why did you do that?

What is there to laugh at? A woman sobbing, sharing her pain — but very easily we make a video out of it.

I accept that a few might say that for TRP, shows do such stuff. But on the other hand, it could be true as well, as we could see the pain in her broken voice. And maybe the media just takes up the role in dramatizing it with music and promos and not participating in the narrative.

(fig: One of the YouTube comments under the actual clip.)

Humanity is alive when we see someone go through the worst and cry out — we feel sad for them without thinking about anything else.

If this is the case, what are we really becoming?

So let's be sensible. Let’s be empathetic towards what we see, share, and make fun of.

"Let’s not make it true that empathy needs beauty standards — or any standards at all."